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Wednesday, May 3, 2006

Video Games Are For Dorks

Don't misunderstand the title. I'm not knocking video games in the least. I'm just making sure that everyone knows where they stand in the hierarchy of dorkiness.

Let's put it in a hierarchy:

1) Professional Athletes
2) Rock Stars
.
.
.
342) Mathletes
343) Video Gamers
344) Tabletop Gamers
.
.
.
1052) LARPers
1053) Furries

Now, this isn't a knock on gamers. Far from it. I'm a gamer. But let's take the coolest guy you know. What does he spend his time doing? For instance, let's take Matt Leinart, Arizona Cardinals quarterback. What are his hobbies?

1) Throwing footballs
2) Placing his hands in co-eds undergarments
3) Hugging Nick Lachey

Do you see video games on that list? I don't either. Now, granted, I'm sure he partakes of video games from time to time, no doubt. But Matt Leinart doesn't care about Nintendo's Wii, or the proper pronunciation of "mana," or Sony's market dominance. He mostly cares about other, more stereotypically cool things.

So, let's put that to rest, shall we? Let's stop saying that video games (or rather their players) are cool, because there is nothing cool about someone playing video games for hours on end, sweaty, with Cheeto-stained fingers.

Now, you may reason that I am being unreasonably harsh. Bear in mind, this is my hobby. But at no time when I am playing video games do I feel "cool," and with good reason. TV watching is not cool, much more so when a wired (or wireless, what does it matter) tether is attached. Other people's hobbies are rarely cool. Model trains, for instance, are interesting. Not cool, though. Also Civil War reenactments and Renaissance Fairs. There is a reason that you don't have movies where stylish young men (mostly Freddie Prinze Jr. or Paul Walker) go to the RenFair, or throw a Halo party. These things are not cool.

That's where I stand on the issue. If you want cool, go snuggle with Nick Lachey. If you want uncool, play video games. I, for one, enjoy being uncool, and I am comfortable with it. Besides, Nick Lachey isn't taking my phone calls anymore.