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Monday, September 17, 2012

NES Replay: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance

Developer: U.S. Gold
Publisher: SSI
Released: 1991
We sincerely appreciate your interest in applying as a playable character in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance. We are an equal-opportunity game and welcome playable characters of all races, deities and alignments.

Please fill out this short questionnaire, and one of our representatives will follow up with you at a later date if we are interested in procuring your services.

1) What is your opinion on bland, endless mazes?
a) I like them
b) I love them
c) Can't get enough of them

2) Do you feel that missing your opponents more often than hitting them is an acceptable thing in action role-playing games?
a) Absolutely
b) Most definitely
c) Of course

3) If someone else in your party takes damage, is it fair that you also take damage, even though you're not onscreen?
a) That sounds right
b) Sure
c) That's a great feature

4) Do you like playing action games where it makes more sense to not fight against your opponents because you don't get anything anyway and you can barely ever hit them?
a) Such fun!
b) I appreciate that on a personal level
c) That is my dream, I wrote it down in my dream journal the other day, I'm serious

Heroes of the Lance Screenshot 1
You really don't want to ask
what's happening in this picture.
Essay Portion:

Situation 1: You are approaching an enemy and are in combat. The person controlling you presses the attack button, expecting you to use your weapon against the enemy. Why do you have a moral imperative not to attack, even though they expressly told you to?

Situation 2: A small dwarf approaches you and tries to kill you. Why is it acceptable to swing your weapon above the dwarf's head instead of trying to actually hit him?

Situation 3: You have killed an enemy despite your best efforts. You do not receive any experience points. Describe the convoluted mental and programming processes that would somehow lead to a kill not providing you with any experience points ever.

Once again, we thank you for your interest in being a playable character in Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Heroes of the Lance! If we have interest in your application, we will scry for you and send one of our imps to your location in order to conduct a formal interview.

Have a great day and we wish you the best of luck in the future!

Final Rating:


Next Week: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Hillsfar

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