Monday, October 29, 2012

NES Replay: Adventures In The Magic Kingdom

Developer: Capcom
Publisher: Capcom
Released: 1990
Disney: What Is Your Problem Anyway
In NES Replay, we go through each NES game from A-Z to see if they're any good. Today: Adventures In The Magic Kingdom.

Developers, take note: If you decide to make a game for kids, make the game for kids.

Adventures in the Magic Kingdom is either made for kids or incredibly creepy adults who sleep in Mickey Mouse pajamas, one or the other. Since I can only assume that "creepy adults" is not a prized segment of Disney's marketing department, we'll go ahead and assume the game is made for kids.

You may think that I'm saying that there's objectionable content in this game, but there isn't. It's just really, really hard. Laughably hard.

You want an example? All right. In order to reach the final area of the game, you have to answer a series of  trivia questions. These are not normal questions. Here's a small sampling of some of the more ridiculous ones.

Now, some have accused me of having a weird, encyclopedic memory. I can tell you that Harry S Truman's favorite food was Ozark Pudding. I can tell you that Joe McCarthy was the manager of the Yankees in the 30's and 40's, and then he jumped ship for the Red Sox. I can tell you that James Dean only starred in three movies, "Rebel Without A Cause," "Giant" and "East of Eden." I didn't have to look up any of that information, it was just sort of there.

This is to say that I'm a bit of a trivia master, and I couldn't tell you the answers to any of these questions. Maybe an adult who was alive around the time that Mickey Mouse was created or "Spin and Marty" was still on the air could tell you the answer, but why would they be playing this game?

The levels are ridiculously difficult as well. In one side-scrolling level, you have no weapons and frequently get mobbed by pirates. You can't fight back, you just have to run from them. In another side-scrolling level, you navigate a haunted house with a limited amount of weapons. Wouldn't it have made sense to have the weapons available against the pirates, and make you run away from the ghosts? Whatever. The only remotely fun level is the haunted house, and that's only because you have a fighting chance.

In another level, you have to fly a spaceship through an endless parade of dots that are supposed to represent stars. Mickey will tell you what buttons to press and when in order not to "hit" anything in space. If you don't press that button RIGHT NOW you'll take damage, and the level just keeps going faster and faster. I have experience playing games like that and couldn't finish that level.

And finally, in another level, you're supposed to race against opponents on go-karts. You'll frequently get attacked by your opponents. I do mean, "attacked." They will attempt to ram you off the road on purpose, and won't stop until you're dead.

OK, so you tell me, is this game for kids? Would a child gladly pick up this game and enjoy it, or would they say that it sucks and quit? I would tell you what I did, but I think you can figure that out by now.

Final Rating:

Next Week: The Adventures of Bayou Billy

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