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Monday, September 3, 2012

NES Replay: The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt

Developer: Ocean
Publisher: Ocean
Released: 1993
Wow: Just Wow.
In NES Replay, we go through each NES game from A-Z to see if they're any good. Today: The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt.

Scene: Boardroom.

The PUBLISHER, a fat, cigar-chomping balding man is having a meeting with two young, fresh-faced DEVELOPERS named CHAD and STEVE.


CHAD
Thank you so much for considering us for this project!

PUBLISHER
Yeah, yeah.

STEVE
We promise to do the best we can to deliver the most-

PUBLISHER
I don't really care. Look, if you're going to do this... whatchamacallit game...

CHAD
Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt.

PUBLISHER
Yeah, whatever it is for the Nintendos, there are a few stipulations.

STEVE
Sure! Whatever you need us to-

PUBLISHER
First, remake the old Addams Family game we just released three years ago, the one we made for the NES. The kids are stupid, and they won't notice.

STEVE
But we were going to make a new game, and we had some ideas-

PUBLISHER
Next, here's your artist. He's my son, and he's got a bright future in this industry.

CHAD
Um, sir?

PUBLISHER
Yeah?

CHAD
He's three years old.

PUBLISHER
So?

CHAD
He's not even drawing. He's eating crayons and drooling onto the paper.

PUBLISHER
And? Use that.

STEVE
With all due respect, how can we use that? They're splotches.
"We're trying to encourage him, so be gentle."
PUBLISHER
I dunno, use a computer. Now, about levels.

CHAD
Well, um, we have some great ideas for levels. We have this idea where-

PUBLISHER
You have thirty seconds to draw all the levels for the game based on this layout from the previous Addams Family game.

STEVE
Just thirty? For all the levels?

PUBLISHER
29... 28...

CHAD and STEVE quickly grab pieces of paper and start wildly scratching at them while the PUBLISHER counts down.

PUBLISHER
3... 2... 1. Pencils down. Whaddya got.

CHAD and STEVE hold up their papers, which are full of squiggly lines and odd shapes.
"This is really all we have. Doors and caves and things."
PUBLISHER
Good. Anything else you need to get started?

STEVE
Well, uh, we need sound and music.

PUBLISHER
Geez, you creative types. Whaddya need music for? Music is worthless, it just clutters up things and costs me money. No. No music in this game.

CHAD
Can we at least use the Addams Family theme?

PUBLISHER
Fine, use it for the title screen. But that's all! Take my son's drawings and get out of here. You have three days to make this game or you're fired. GO!

CHAD and STEVE hurriedly take the drawings from the kid, and run out of the office, closing the door behind them.

They rest their backs on the door and exhale.

CHAD
Man, this game is almost not worth the $50 we're getting paid to make it.

Final Rating:


Next Week: Advanced Dungeons and Dragons: Dragonstrike

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