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Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Problem With Deer Hunters


I live in Wisconsin. Every fall in Wisconsin, it's tradition for people to slap on blaze-orange suits and head out into the woods to hunt for deer.

I'm not anti-hunting. I recognize that since farmers in the area stupidly killed all the coyotes and wolves years ago out of fear that they'd start killing their cows, deer-hunting is necessary in order to thin the herd. The majesty of seeing a herd of deer in an open field is lessened considerably when you're worried that they're going to leap into the road and embed themselves in your radiator.

Here's where I have a problem: I was listening the radio this morning to wake up, and an ad played for Farm & Fleet, a regional "Walmart-for-country-bumpkins" store, and they were talking about hunting supplies that they have on sale.

So what hunting supplies do they suggest? Knives? Rifles? Bows? No! Try "infrared two-megapixel cameras" and "laser sights."

These are deer they're hunting, not the Predator. It's kind of an oddly one-sided arms race. The deer aren't getting any upgrades. It's not like you're going to come across a Level 58 Deer Matrox with an AOE attack that drains 20 health per second and spawns Level 12 Deerlings every 45 seconds. No one is outfitting the deer with machetes or tactical body armor.

The deer are already at a bit of an unfair advantage, seeing as how we have guns and they have squishy internal organs. When you add in these extra technological advantages, deer-hunting can only be called a "sport" in the same way that drop-kicking a newborn is "sport."